my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We have so much sex to catch up on
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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