I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
