Define "chronic" masturbator.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
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He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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