I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
