I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Apparently you make a good broom.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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