i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
