Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
