Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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