I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
