omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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