I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
