girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's never too late to be topless.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
