So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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