Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
