Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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