apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
