im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
