i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
