I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
