rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
