i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
