Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
