sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
