Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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