My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize