Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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