Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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