so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
