So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
