I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
