just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I came so hard my ears popped.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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