I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
