I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
