I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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