I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize