and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I need a beard to bite.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
