Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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