After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just made out with a guy for $7.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
