lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
