Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
