Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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