VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
