clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
