I'm so fucking centered right now
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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