I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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