My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover