Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.