So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
