take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet