What did we do last night that was yellow?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
