careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Pants are for mortals
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
