you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
