Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm too high and old for this...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
