At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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