I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
