Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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