don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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