she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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