how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
